Shunning

I assume most of you are familiar with the term, but for those who are not - shunning is the practice, usually by a religious sect, of deliberately avoiding interaction with a deviant member of the community. Ostensibly it is to coerce the person into acceptable behavior, but often in practice it amounts to a form of punishment upon that which the community has judged unacceptable.

Now, to be clear, I can't say that shunning doesn't have a purpose. If you had a repeated child molester in your midst you wouldn't socialize with that person, for just one example. But as with many things of this sort, a grain of logic is often extrapolated to ridiculous lengths.

I'm not bringing this up because I'm worried for my own sake. I expected a measure of it when I came out. The range of reactions I have received has been fascinating to observe, from those who (actually or virtually) hugged my neck and accepted me without reservation, to those who "love me anyway" even though I know they wish I hadn't, to those who tell me to my face they don't judge me but behind my back it's a different story, to those who snicker and smirk when they see me pass by (as if they are superior to the poor freak in their midsts) to those who tell me flat out "you are wrong," they come in all shapes and sizes, including those who can't dirty the soles of their feet to go near me now.

That's ok, all of it. True, I have and will again take issue with the lack of logic or compassion the more negative reactions arise from (trivia time! did you know that the same chapter of the New Testament most often quoted against "sexual sinners", of which I am apparently one in many people's view, ALSO says that on the list of folks God isn't happy with are the "unforgiving" and "unmerciful"? True story!!) I certainly understand the thinking behind it and am prepared to accept the reality that such will come my way. I'm no more qualified to judge you on that score than you are to judge my failings.

But what really pisses me off is those among you who see fit to make my wife pay for my alleged sins.

In case some of you bozos didn't know it - she does NOT approve, endorse, or accept my situation. I hate that this is the case, her love for me is so great that the conflict between her views on this subject and her feelings for me are extremely painful to her and I would love to be able to help her see my point of view. Still, as things stand I sometimes think I'm a threat to her sanity. I believe that her views arise from the same sort of lies we've all been taught on this subject - it's the culture that's all around us and none of us are immune from its influence - but that's neither here nor there.
We are trying desperately to find a way to work through this and preserve the love we have for each other. (And as an aside, you might see some adjustments to my behavior in an effort to make it easier for her - don't think that means I am uncertain or confused, I do anything of that sort I do for her) and I am staggered by how hard it is for both of us.

BUT

You people, and you know who you are, who are punishing her for my screw ups - kindly get the hell over yourself! What kind of person are you to shun an innocent party (a victim, if you think I am wrong) because of the "sins" of another? those of you who called her friend (and would still claim to be) or even kin but can't be kind enough to even speak to her in a public place for fear of somehow being in the presence of the freak...or maybe out of fear your kindness will be seen as approval - are you REALLY that hard hearted? If she ever needed friends and family, she needs you now and where are you? it doesn't take much. No one is asking you to go out of your way, just a smile and a greeting go a long way. Don't worry, I won't mistake your kindness for support. If you wanted to support me you would take the time to say so and if you don't, more power to you - I don't sit home at night wondering why you don't. But she has done nothing to anyone, and yet you shun her. Shame on you.

I thank God for those among her friends who do still interact with her and treat her with kindness, you are a blessing to her - but you are a far too small percentage of the whole, in my opinion.

Another crowd I want to rant at - that lot of you who think you are clever to giggle and smirk and mock the freak in your midst. Don't think I'm missing that or unaware, I know about it. I just chose to not acknowledge it because I don't need your approval. It's human nature that most people instinctively are looking around to see who they are "better than" so they can elevate their own opinion of themselves and if your little ego needs the boost you get from looking down on me, then knock yourselves out.

BUT

Would it trouble you too much to reserve that for when I'm alone? She sees it and it hurts her. As much as you can't comprehend it, as much as you think she should have kicked my ass out (and I don't necessarily disagree) she DOES, somehow, still love me and it pains her to see me/us laughed at openly. If you MUST get your jollies by mocking me (and again, I personally don't care if you do) then do HER, not me, the slight favor of making sure you are well out of view and hearing before you do. After all, if you really are so much better than me, then surely a little human kindness is within your sterling character, right?

Otherwise, I'd be forced to conclude you are just as screwed up as I am - just in a less obvious way.