Really don't have time to do one of my long winded dissertations this time. I'm back working for the Census and that takes up a lot of my formerly unoccupied time. But for those of you who hang on my every word, I have to throw out a little red meat once in a while, right?
I've gotten a chance to talk to some friends lately that I don't get to see as much as I'd like (although at least I know they are still my friends now but I digress) and we talked, as friends are wont to do, about various and sundry things. The interesting thing is just how interesting I've apparently become. Over time I eventually become aware of things that I might not have known about from my own observations (like the folks who have a big laugh about me after I leave their store) and for the most part, I shrug it off. As I've said before, I had no illusions about what my social status would be once I came out, and I'm always more surprised when someone is kind to me than I am when someone is hateful. Still, there's a certain ironic pleasure in knowing about the hypocrisy of those who feign kindness to your face and mock you behind your back.
But more amusing than that is the simple fact that some folks apparently can't get enough of me, or at least of talking about me. If I'm to believe what I hear, there's apparently little else to talk about in this town but the Tranny in our midst. Either that, or there are some folks with such empty lives that they have to cling to the occupation of dwelling on the lives of others like some pathetic hanger-on wondering where Paris Hilton is getting her hair done these days.
I mean seriously, I've been doing this out loud for almost four months now, does it really take four months to express how much you disapprove? Or do you simply have nothing else in your life as interesting as me? Here's a thought for you - MAYBE the person you are rattling on about my makeup and skirt to is as sick of hearing you go on about it as they are of me. Just maybe.
The wonderful arrogance of some folks is that they are so sure they are right it never occurs to them anyone else would disagree. Or at least, if they have any sense they won't.
What's worse than that is the breathtaking conceit it takes to address a subject you've never spent five consecutive minutes in your life seriously pondering and appoint yourself an expert on the subject, and the final word of authority on a subject in regards to people who have spent there whole life thinking and pondering and praying and studying about it. How does that add up to anything but naked arrogance?
I don't have to remind you again - but I will because none of you has the guts or the intellectual fortitude to answer the question - how weak it is to proclaim you know God's mind on this subject when you do two things which totally undermine that claim:
First, you cannot all agree on even the core truths of the faith. when all Christian denominations know the mind of God on the particulars of salvation, or baptism, or which Bible you are supposed to be reading, then one of you can step up and give us God's mind on transsexuals;
Second, you happily lay aside other "sins" in order to judge this sin - or don't you think I know how readily you forget how much "God hates divorce" when the alternative is being married to a freak? So much for the old canard about all sins being equal, eh? Or is there some verse that i missed which says "It's ok to divorce your husband if he ever puts on a bra." But then, there would have to been such-a-damn-thing as a bra 2,000 years ago for that to have been there huh?
How is it you appoint yourself my judge when your own house is in such disarray? What you are too blind to see is that you are judging me not because I violate God's word, but because I violate your cultural sensibilities.
Finally, on a slightly different variation of the same subject - the more you folks run your mouth, the more I know who you are. which is GOOD. Don't flatter yourself into believing my feelings are hurt, or that I'm holding a grudge or that I'm mad. I'm not mad - I'm relieved. I'm relieved to have the truth of things out in the open and out from behind the mask of civility. The great thing about coming out is that you come out too - dealing with people like me not only reveals what I am but it reveals - for better or worse - what you are. I've learned that some people (including those who DON'T agree with my position) are very good people at heart. And I've learned . . . well . . . let's just say I've learned some other things, too. That kind of information is valuable. After 40 years of hiding from the world, I've learned to hate masks in all forms. It's every bit as refreshing to see yours come off as it is to take mine off, no matter what's behind it.
One of these days I'll do something with this page besides vent, hopefully. It really does kind of piss me off that udring a period of time when I'm more joyful in my very soul than I ever believed was possible, that I can't just bask in that without having to deal with all the BS. Just because I knew it was coming doesn't mean it's not a pain in the butt.